"When the going gets weird, the weird turn professional."
WW3: Bin Laden Celebrates Victory
WW3: Bin Laden Celebrates Victory
“MISSION ACCOMPLISHED”: Osama Bin Laden declares victory after Commander Trump's Troops attack on the United States Capital building. - By Richard Thornburg
In the largest terrorist attack to occur on American Soil since 9/11, Commander Trump's Troops stormed the steps of the United States Capital Building in an attempt to stop the election certification of Joe Biden. Armed with law enforcement issued zip-tie handcuffs, and the erection of a guillotine on the grass in front of the building is leading some experts to suggest they were planning on holding public executions of elected officials. Chants of “Kill Pence” and “Where Is AOC?” could be heard throughout the group as they stormed the building. While Trump's Troops ultimately failed to accomplish their goal of stopping the certification, they did manage to earn the praise and respect of Osama Bin Laden. In a video the Taliban released this morning, Bin Laden applauded Trump and his troops of accomplishing the one thing his men failed to do. Throughout the attack numerous videos were upload to social media as they were filmed. FBI investigators are beginning to piece together what occurred on this tragic day in American history. Citizens at home quickly turned into soldiers as they attempted to scrap meta data and download posts from social media websites providing a real time play by play of the events. Which will help FBI investigators in the coming days. With…
Struggle Wars
23&U announced a new “Struggle Test" today. Based on results, test takers will be able to determine which "struggle level" they place on the “Woe-Is-Me” chart issued by the Center for Entitled Youth. 23&U expects the majority of test takers to be privileged Americans attempting to blame others for their lack of accomplishments and life failures.
Video Killed The Radio Star.
Weapons of Mass Deception
By D.P. Roberts
U.S.
Trial for The Four Officers Accused of Murdering Motorist Rodney Floyd Set to Begin.
Arts
Actor-Vist
Social media performance artist group “WOKE” are set to bring their biggest Actor-vist piece as of yet to the Global Theater. The performance is set to included a group of animatronic parrots on stage and a pre-recorded sound track of buzzwords and slogans including: “Racist”, “Socialist”, “THIS”, “Literally”, “Freedom”, “Communism”, “My country”, "Systematic", and various other hyperbolic statements.
Market News
Astrology
The planet Crypto is in retrograde giving you Tarsus energy to hodl on and move forward passed the gorillas with diamond hands to occupy the TSLA galaxy. Don't you hodl too long though because this trip on your favorite rocket ship won’t end in Unicorns and double rainbows. Best beware of the Looters and the talking heads they control. Because once they can extract the value, they will and you’ll be left out in the cold.
Making Sense From Chaos
"It's what I couldn't understand about people for a long time. They have no self. They live within others. They live second-hand. Look at Donald Trump. I’ve looked at him – at what’s left of him – and it’s helped me to understand -- Trump is paying the price and wondering for what sin and telling himself that he’s been too selfish. In what act or thought of his has there ever been a self? What was his aim in life? Greatness — in other people’s eyes. Fame, admiration, envy – all that which comes from others. Others dictated his convictions, which he did not hold, but was satisfied that others believed he held them. Others were his motive power and his prime concern. He didn’t want to be great, but to be thought great. He didn’t want to build, but to be admired as a builder. He borrowed from others in order to make an impression on others. That’s your actual selflessness. It’s his ego that he’s betrayed and given up. But everybody calls him selfish."
Never Mind The Amendment
Cyber Police sent cease and desist letters to Apple and Google today in an attempt to remove any music app which allowed users to listen to the album “Never Mind The Karens: How’s your mental health?” by the band Sex Content. With numerous shows canceled, death threats and world wide outrage due to lyrics which some social media actor-vist deem obscene. The band's manager Larry Flynt responded with two "cry face" emojis when informed Tipper Gore and C. Deloris Tucker have announced they will hold a protest which aims to “cancel” the band. The protest will feature a steam roller driving over a pile of thumb drives which contain the bands album. When informed of the planned protest Flynt responded: "corn on the cob, eggplant, lips, lips" and finished it with two "drops of liquid" emojis.
Entertainment
Tuesday at 8pm - George Orwell’s “War Of The Worlds” is read live by D.B. Cooper. 4 out of 5 experts recommend. Check local Listings for station information.
Wed. at 8pm - Viewers can join their favorite celebrities live on Zoom as they watch and give live reactions to the first appearance of The Beatles on The Ed Sullivan show.
Thursday at 9:30pm - Geraldo Rivera to host the opening of Al Capones vault on IGTV. THEY SAY the vault contains: 11,800 Georgia ballots and various other artifacts including Nostradamus’s famous book where he reveals the mystery behind the Bermuda Triangle, Sasquatch and predicts the Storming of Area 51. Rebroadcast; check your local listings.
Friday at 8pm - Micheal Moore to present a panel discussion featuring current superstar band The Dead Contents covering fake news, mass hysteria, media manipulation, false-patriotism, conspiracy theories and how the uncertainty following the 9/11 attacks has lead to a rise in nostalgia for a time of security and safety. Check local listings.
You Ain’t Got No Receipts!
Kanye & Karen release surprise album after a three year hiatus. Self-produced and written by the duo, the album was uploaded across all streaming services on January 5th. The album titled: “Cancel The Manager” features a wide range of guest artist and production. Fans have already pushed the album to the most streamed of all time and with tracks such as “IMMA LET U FNSH, BUT.” feat. Lil Sha’man, “Beyoncé won; Stop The Steal,” “From The VMAs 2 DC (take the steps),” “Storm Area 51” and the remix “Storm the Capital,” PLUS the single “Gentle Mental” with production by E. Bernays & Manipulated MNDZ. It seems as though this Iconic duo is back. Best to hide the manager y'all.
